True story:  In the late seventies, during my first year of college, I had a friend (I’ll call “Ted”) who always talked about his overweight sister (“Linda”).  She apparently tried many diets with no success.  The girl seemed to be a hopeless case.

In those days, there was a diet chocolate candy that one could purchase by the box, much like a regular box of chocolates.  One of Ted’s relatives really wanted to help Linda so they bought her a box of these new fangled confections.

The benevolent relative saw Linda a couple of days later and asked if she tried the dietary delicacies.  “Yep!  Sure did!”  The relative then asked Linda how she liked them.  “Oh, my!  I LOVED them!  I ate the whole box in one sitting!”

Bless her heart!

As most of us have already learned, diets are tricky endeavors at best and, at their worst, are not very logical.  For instance, being the sometimes logical person that I am, I felt that a zero calorie cola “averaged down” the calories of the big, fat candy bar that I would usually eat with it.  For some reason, it just didn’t work out that way and was, therefore, not very logical.

There have only been two circumstances in which I lost significant amounts of weight.  One was while being bedridden for nine days without eating a thing.  While the weight-loss was great, I wouldn’t recommend that particular diet plan. 

The other way that I lost a lot of weight was by working for my father-in-law one summer, installing swimming pool plumbing in the hot Arizona sun.  There’s just something about working in a dirt hole in 115 degree heat that takes one’s appetite away.  But did this boy ever have a dark tan on his slim body!

But I digress.  Back to dieting.

The bottom-line (no pun intended.  Okay, it was intended but you’re not  laughing.) is that dieting just isn’t fun.  We want to eat anything that we desire and we desire a lot.  And the edibles we desire usually aren’t usually very conducive to weight loss.  I absolutely love Mexican food and pizza and they love me.  I gain ten pounds and get flaming heartburn just thinking about it.

As just about any dietician will tell you, dieting isn’t for a period of time.  Successful dieting is a life-time commitment – a change of mind-set, lifestyle and habit.

Why don’t they just come right out and say it – that successful dieting is really a form of brainwashing and torture?  How else is one supposed to look at cottage cheese and tofu as something yummy?  Can I get a witness?

The late, great comic, Flip Wilson, is quoted as saying that “funny is an attitude”.  I suppose that, when we get right down to it, successful dieting is, too.  I will say, though, that sometimes we need a running head start or a helpful push.

Some of the head starts that I’ve read about are surgeries like gastric by-pass or lap band surgeries.  I know two people who have had the surgeries and they look fantastic.  However, as you may already know, you can’t have the surgery and then go back to eating whatever you darn well pleased.

Having been given a new lease on life, these people have come to understand that with the new physical “you” must come a new “mental” you.  There must be a high level of personal will power to forever change your eating habits or the life-saving surgery could be the death of you.

When it comes right down to it, we’ve got to eat less of the monstrous portions being served to us in restaurants.  Can you believe the huge portions they serve us these days?  My lovely first wife and I have resorted to splitting dinner between us and still leave the restaurant feeling stuffed!

Dieting must be accompanied by exercise, starting with what I heard a doctor once say: “Start your exercise program by pushing back your plate sooner rather than later.”

That makes a lot of sense to me.  I think I’ll ponder the benefits of that exercise regimen while I enjoy a diet cola and candy bar.