I wish I were smart. 

I know lots of people who are incredibly brilliant.  You know the type I’m talking about.  They’re real propeller heads that can make the complicated look remedial.  People like that make me sick.

It’s those pointy headed prodigies that remind me of the old phrase, “There’s a fine line between genius and insanity.” From that adage I derive both comfort and reminders of people that I’ve known who personify it.

Case in point: When I was a pre-teen, one of my summer rituals was spending a week at a church summer camp in the pines of northern Arizona.  These camps were hosted by the denomination that I grew up in and was attended by the kids from churches all over the state.

One year, there was a guy who attended that I hadn’t seen before or since that youth camp. He was a tall, lanky, Alfred E. Newman-like kid who wore coke-bottle-bottom glasses.  This kid was Einstein-freakin’ smart and knew some stuff about some stuff.

One thing he could do was tell you which day of the week you were born if you gave him the month, day and year of your birthday.  I’m not sure what value that brings to the planet but I was definitely impressed.  However, from this kid I learned pretty quickly that genius doesn’t necessarily equate to common sense. 

That particular year, the camp we attended had communal bathrooms and showers.  There were a couple of toilet stalls and three or four shower stalls with the classic plastic curtains provided for your showering privacy.

One night, as all of the guys were in the shower house, getting ready for the nightly church service, “Einstein” was in the shower and monkeying around with the shower curtain.  He was fidgeting with it as if he was trying to fine-tune a neutron bomb or something.  When he was asked what he was trying to do, he replied as the water from the show was hosing down his body, “I can’t figure out how to lock this thing.”  Everyone in the area laughed hysterically and poor Einstein didn’t have an ounce of respect after that.

Over the years, I’ve known other geniuses who have gone on to great, brainy accomplishments.  They’ve become inventors, financial whiz kids, programmers, and brilliant musicians.  Others, while loaded with brains, never did anything with their intelligence and lived lives of “averageness”.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that because I’m right there with them. 

It’s just that we all kind of expected them to figure out the mystery of the locking shower curtain, that’s all.  I guess it’s not easy to be smart.