The quote, above, is one of my favorite quotes from M*A*S*H.
I love every time I hear it. I've used it a few times, too. And it's amazing to me how few people catch
the switch in words.
As funny as
that line is, it prompts the question: When is a compliment not really a compliment? You know what I'm talking about,
don't you? It's what one is forced to give when the facts beg to differ with you.
We learn this at a very young age. Remember when you're eating dinner at Aunt
Hilda's and a plate of liver, spinach, and creamed corn is placed in front of you. You and your parents KNOW that
you hate everything on your plate. You turn and whisper to your mom, "If I eat this I'm gonna ‘fro up!",
only to be answered with an elbow to the ribs and told to eat every bite.
Well, as you fight all the reflex urges while you attempt to swallow the food, Aunt Hilda asks you,
"How does it taste?" It's all that you can do to give her a projectile massive amount of DNA evidence
of your true feelings. But, you manage to weakly smile and say, "Great! May I be excused to the rest room?"
Depending on the circumstances, women tend to be the best at these
compliments-that-aren't while men are often oblivious to them.
For instance, at a dinner party, one lady might say to another, "Gertrude, that dress looks
the same on you today as when you wore it to last year's dinner party. DO tell me your secret." While the clueless
hubby is thinking that a compliment has just been given, his wife is running out in tears.
Guys are no different. I remember receiving what I thought was going to be a compliment
about a shirt that I was wearing. The co-worker said, "Nice shirt! I had one like that, once, but, then,
I got a job!" Ouch!
I'm of the opinion
that, because of these kinds of uncomplimentary compliments, society is now conditioned to read between the lines of everything
said, compliments or other statements. It's often hard for me to accept a compliment without trying to figure out
if it was given sincerely or not.
We begin
to start looking for code words that have the appearance of a compliment but really say nothing. Instead of hearing
words like "fantastic", "great", or "beautiful", our radar goes up when, instead, we hear words
or phrases like "interesting", "unique", or "that is so YOU".
In uncomfortable circumstances where I'm supposed to over ride
the sounds of crickets chirping with some attempt at a compliment, I've had to get creative. When someone is someone
is wearing some butt-ugly concoction and asks me what I think (and, no, I'm not referring to my wife!), I will say something
like, "Wow! Where did you get THAT?" or "That must have cost you a fortune!" Smooth, huh?
I know what the guys are thinking.
They're thinking, "Okay, smart guy. How do you answer THE question, huh?" Of course, being a charter
executive member of the uber-goober society, I know precisely what "THE question" is. It's when our lovely
wives ask us, "Does this outfit make me look fat?"
After learning the hard way that answering with, "Is this a trick question?" doesn't score any points
- or keep me out of trouble - I've come up with a better answer. (Don't worry, guys, this one's on me -
no charge!).
When I'm asked the dreaded
question, I reply, "How does the dress make YOU feel?" It keeps me out of trouble and I learn what my first
wife's true feelings are about the outfit she's asking me about.
Of course, we have to be careful when we have to direct compliments towards our bosses
in the workplace, especially if we aren't particularly interested in what great idea is being floated. In those
cases, we have to heap praises on them . . . and mean it from the heart of our bottom.
