I use to really hate it when someone “took” what was “mine”.  I had several ways of expressing my displeasure.  My favorite was when, after circling the parking lot for what seemed like a thousand times, and someone took “my” parking space, I would honk or yell something at them . . . and it wasn’t “Jesus loves you”, either.

Another re-occurring incident would be when someone would purchase “my” item of clothing that I had picked out.  How dare they buy “my” striped and polka dot dress shirt!  When that would happen, I’d give them my famous evil eye look.  It never did any good but I gave it to them anyway.

My real test would come when someone was sitting in “my” seat at church.  Just as I was about to “extend the right hand of ‘fellowship’”, a beam of light would shine down on me with angels singing from on high.  With all that kind of heavenly attention, I would have no choice but to put my hands back in my pockets and find another place to sit.

I didn’t want to think “happy thoughts” or be courteous.  I wanted to be mad.  I wanted to enjoy being mad.  Did I mention that I wanted to be mad?  I wanted to be mad!

After countless incidents such as these over my so-called adult life, and after I began my sojourn to find and unleash my inner Ladmo, I realized that I had a real problem.  It was an inner demon that tormented me often during my inter-action with the world at large – one that had to be dealt with decisively.

Yes, folks, I had a raging, roiling inner-Mr. Grudgemeyer.

Mr. Grudgemeyer was a hysterical character played to perfection by Bill “Wallace” Thompson.  Grudgemeyer was a dour man who wanted to be left alone as he sat on “his” park bench, in “his” seat at the movie theater or other such places.

In the many memorable skits involving Mr. G, Ladmo seemed to be the one guy who ALWAYS pushed his buttons.  The buttons were pushed by Ladmo sitting on “his” bench, by sitting in front of “his” seat in a movie theater or by countless other perceived infractions.  The result was always some sort of physical abuse and material destruction.

Isn’t that how we wish we could react when someone takes “our” seat or parking space?  How many of us have fantasized about nuking someone whose actions have annoyed our inner-Grudgemeyer?  Even entertaining these thoughts suppress our inner Ladmo and must be eliminated from our psyche if one hopes to win the gold lame´ Ladmo bag in the sky.

I know what you’re asking:  Alright, Randy, how did you suppress your inner Grudgemeyer?  I’m glad that you asked. 

First, this is an ongoing process for me - one that I expect to endure for the rest of my life.  Mr. G isn’t going away quietly nor does he stay down for long before trying to reassert himself.

What I have found to help me a lot when someone is sitting on the park bench of my life is to pre-emptively substitute undesirable Mr. G actions with more desirable Ladmo-like actions. 

For instance, while searching for a parking space and I see that I am arriving at the space at the same time as someone else, I wave them on to the space and move on.  More times than not, I usually wind up finding an equally, if not more, desirable parking space than the one I passed on.  If I don’t, no big deal as I obviously need the exercise.

Other tools that I use to quash my inner Grudgemeyer are through basic manners.  Offering someone “my” seat or letting someone else get the last space on a crowded elevator.  I will also, more times than not, allow someone to pull out in front of me in heavy traffic. 

I must admit that I haven’t mastered Mr. G in all the areas of my life.  I REALLY have to wrestle with him when I’m in a restaurant and parents are letting their kids act like Gerald on steroids.  It’s all that I can do to keep the G man from welling up from within me and stuff the broccoli that they’re crying about right into their whiney little mouths, but I do.  I limit my Mr. G-tantrums to mean looks and eye rolls with the ultimate goal being to keep a Ladmo-like smile on my face and go on my merry way.

I know that I’m not alone in this battle as I remember that even the great, most holy Ladmo had his issues with how he reacted to Mr. Grudgemeyer.  But, if we hope to unleash the inner Ladmo within, we must strive to keep the G man in his place.

Next, dealing with our inner Marshal Good.