Did you know that if your feet smell and your nose runs, that you’re probably built upside down?

Did you know that Santa Claus runs a non-union shop?

Did you know that Alice Cooper is scared to death of rolly polly’s?

Did you know that, with the world’s rotation gradually slowing, this time last year it was already next month?

Did you know that just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean that “they” are not out to get you?

Did you know if a pair of shoes were human, they would be soul mates?    

Did you know that know-it-alls don’t?

The above list of meaningless and even untrue factoids is similar to those that have been spewed out by yet another character from the Wallace and Ladmo Show.  That character was The Wizard, again played by the peerless Pat McMahon.

The Wizard was funny to listen to as well as look at with his tall, pointy hat and a moustache that looked like it might have been cut from the tail of a beautiful black horse. However, he would, without a doubt, get on one’s nerves quickly. 

I, too, have an inner Wizard that I have to suppress.  Much like the kid in class who is always raising their hand to answer the teacher’s question, I sometimes found, and find, myself always trying to have the answers to situations.  It’s a guy thing, I guess.

In order to deal with the Wiz, suppress him and tap into my inner Ladmo, I had to introspectively review my life to see where he first manifested himself.  This led me to my very early childhood.

As a little tyke, I knew everything.  When I tried taking my first steps, I didn’t need my parents’ help.  Or, so I thought.  I couldn’t even take the first step without falling flat on my infantile kiester.  This attitude persisted into other areas of my life.  Such mundane areas as food, where I knew that candy was much better for me than vegetables;  clothing, where I knew that, in the dead of winter, I could go outside in the snow wearing nothing but my diaper, cowboy hat and boots (my shrink tells me that I’ll eventually grow out of this stage – probably at or near retirement). 

In school, I would raise my hand to answer every question.  It was there that I also knew that I didn’t need to take such classes as math, English, or science.  Who needed them?  During those years, I also knew more than my parents about driving and work habits, the kinds of people that I should hang around with and how to handle my money.

Yesiree!  I knew EVERYTHING.

For guys, this carry’s forward into our adult lives.  For instance, when the women in our lives tell us about a problem, instead of doing what they really want us to do (listen), we give them a solution to the matter or, worse yet, we try to fix it for them.  Why?  Because we think we know everything.  Again, it must be a guy thing.

We often act the same way in our friendships and work relationships.  We tell our friends how to live our lives or why a dream of theirs will never be accomplished?  Sometimes we’ll pontificate like this with the authoritative steepling of our fingers for the extra appearance of authority and having it all together. 

I am learning that, in order to tell the Wiz where to go, I already have two things to help me.  They’re called “ears”.  I’m learning to listen a lot more and spew forth a lot less.  I’m not there yet but I’m better than I was.

Of course, the ultimate benefit to me is that I am more successful in unleashing my inner Ladmo. 

Did you know that , Wiz?