Do you remember all of those crazy comedy songs that were popular during the late Sixties and throughout the Seventies?  You know what I’m talking about.  Songs like “Disco Duck”, “Kung Foo Fighting”, “Convoy” and the immortal song by Ray Stevens, “The Streak”.  They are known as “novelty” or “break-in” songs.  I especially liked the ones by Dickie Goodman where his “John Cameron Cameron” character would ask someone a question and the answer would come in the form of a clip from a current popular song.

For better or for worse, these novelty songs are icons of those times.  The only thing worse that came from the Seventies, musically speaking, was disco, but that’s a debate for another time.

Okay.  I already hear the arguments about disco, defending it as a musical art form.  I’ll answer it with two words:  Disco Duck.  Need I say more?  For those of you who are not familiar with that tune, you can look it up on the web.  You’ll find it and curse the day that you did.

Back to novelty/break-in songs.

One of the most popular novelty songs back in my grade school and high school days was a bit called “Troglodyte” by the Jimmy Castor Bunch.  The funny little tune gave us phrases like “Bertha Butt of the Butt Sisters” and “I’ll sock it to ya, Daddy!”  The “Troglodyte” song led to another follow up hit called, “The Bertha Butt Boogie”.

There’s always been a trend to blend our curiosity with “cavemen” and humor.  I didn’t learn that until I was a teenager. 

Case in point:  I learned of the physical malady delicately called “Montezuma’s Revenge” before I learned of the famous Arizona ancient cliff dwelling, “Montezuma’s Castle”.  When I learned of the latter, I naturally assumed that it was a prehistoric outhouse built in the side of a cliff where cave people “did their business”.

Silly me.

Anyway, while searching for the “Troglodyte” video, my mind got to thinking about how it accurately portrays relationships and attitudes that men have towards women.  I’m of the opinion that, throughout the history of the human race, men’s attitudes about, and towards, women were programmed in us from way back in the Neanderthal era.  These pre-historic attitudes are usually pictured in our minds by Og, the Troglodyte, clubbing the woman of his dreams and dragging her back to his cave to “make her” his wife. 

My research shows that this was man’s first failed attempt at a successful pick-up line that is still used when he goes “clubbing” . . .

If you doubt that cavemen really treated women this way and that it hasn’t affected male thought today, I invite you to remember life on the playground when you were in First or Second grade.  Boys would chase the girls, catch them, hit them, and then the girls would chase the boys in retaliation. 

It has carried forward to our adult lives.  This is evidenced by our commands to our wives.  Commands such as, “Woman!  Where’s my (insert the name of your favorite beverage here)?!” As a kid, I would witness my dad do the same thing.  While he and I were sitting on the couch, watching TV, he would bark out that command . . . and it worked!  I took his cue and hollered at my mom, “Woman, where’s my Kool-Aid?!” 

If looks could’ve killed . . .

The point being is that, for reasons that us Trog’s can’t comprehend, the women in our lives just don’t like being treated like cave women. 

So, as a Troglodyte in good standing, and taking the liberty to speak for my fellow Troglodytes, past and present, I would like to apologize to the Bertha Butt’s of the world for our brutish behavior towards, and treatment of, you.  It was, and is, terrible and we beg your forgiveness.

We promise that we will be better behaved and treat you like the queens of our lives that you are.  We also promise to ask you if you would like us to bring you something from the kitchen as we get off of our own lazy bee-hineys to get something to drink.

We promise this, so help me Og.